Abundance University: Dump Your Fears Once And For All!
Françoise Merlo

Introduction

What is fear really and how does it relate to respect? Does it even relate at all?

The fear of you being stuck in an abusive relationship is very different then a child's fear of a spider. A child can certainly fear his parents but not respect them. People fear things such as plane rides, motorcycles, dogs or rats. We fear being alone; some are married yet lonely - we fear loneliness. We fear abandonment. We fear being in public, sitting in a large room packed with people. Some fear riding in a car. We fear open or enclosed spaces. We fear the dark and some even fear themselves. Do you respect your own powers and use them gently on yourself and others? Are your fears holding you back from truly finding success and becoming whom you were meant to be?

I believe that if we respect and love ourselves enough, we take the time to deal with our fears by identifying them and then dealing with them one by one.

The following is a simple strategy of how to deal with your fear:

1. Admit that you have fears
2. Be devoted to yourself to identifying your fears
3. Analyze them by looking at the damage that your fears is
doing to your life
4. Get rid of your fears by overcoming them
5. Replace your fears with something positive

I personally like the "take the bull by the horns" method. However, please use common sense when dealing with your fears! For example, if you are terrified of flying and you are determined to overcome your fear by learning to fly a small airplane, and you are 75 years old and half blind, you might be asking for unnecessary trouble!

Promise to yourself not to stick your head in the sand and pretend that it's not there. Your fear won't go away, it will only get bigger year after year.

Admit That You Have Fears

The most fearful person, in my opinion, is the one who says that they are not afraid of anything. Pa-lease! Anybody who says that and I know you're one of the most terrified people. So let's cut the baloney and be honest. If you are this person you probably just haven't been lucky enough to find someone who won't ridicule you for communicating your fears. That's all.

Be Devoted To Yourself To Identify Your Fears

My father left my mother for another woman when I was 12 years old and I always said that this was "their deal." After a few years in my own marriage in my early 30s I started to live like I was expecting him to "leave me one day for another woman anyway." I had no idea what prompted this other than my own parents' relationship; my husband certainly didn't give me any reason not to trust him. And all of a sudden there was this fear that had been embedded in me years ago. I could have ignored it by sticking to my opinion that this was my parents' deal and not mine; but I chose to deal with it, for my sake and the sake of my marriage. I decided not to let it get a hold of me.

Analyze Your Fears

My husband and I talked it over like adults and we honestly admitted that my unwarranted fear brings damage to our marriage. Every time he went for a basketball game I was "hurt" and suspicious that he didn't invite me to go watch him play. I started to think about his female co-workers and I wondered if any of them liked him in an inappropriate way. My fear had gotten the best part of me.

I look at fear as the disease that latches on to our soul like a pesty little leech. It's like a cancer that grows and doesn't hurt us at first, but leaving it undetected or ignored will bring forth a ferocious beast that often can take our lives; at minimum our joy of living. Fear must be cut out completely by overcoming it with something positive. If fear is not positive, it must be replaced with something positive.

Fear is one of our biggest enemies, and at the same time it can be one of our biggest motivators to change! Fear is inhibiting; it causes insecurities. Fear festers like an open sore and then it begins to stink. Fear is nauseating, it's debilitating, it causes paralysis; fear can cause depression and loneliness. Fear prevents us from becoming the empowered person we are meant to be.

Overcoming Your Fears

My husband and I moved beyond the fear and it left for good this time. Yes, it was not as simple as it sounds and there were many little fears that came up along with this fear. But I'm so glad it was dealt with rather than shoved under the rug.

Overcome Your Fears

With your permission I would like to share with you some of my deepest fears and how I have overcome them, in the hopes that some of you might be encouraged to honestly look at your fears and tackle them one by one.

One of my biggest fears, if not the biggest, was public speaking. Under no circumstances, paid or unpaid, would I speak in front of any group, no matter the size. I decided to join Toastmasters as it came highly recommended for people who wanted to learn to speak in front of a group. I flunked at every meeting and as long as I didn't have to say anything, I would go and be a warm body at the meetings, but I refused to talk. It took me 6 months and several cancellations to give my first 2 minute speech (or however long they were). And before I did I cancelled several times because of nausea, flu symptoms and headaches. Yeah, it was that bad! Over time and by simply attending over and over again, it became easier and easier. Never in my wildest dreams, and I have a few of those, would I ever have guessed that public speaking would become my life's purpose! Today I not only speak at real estate clubs nationwide and at various adult education facilities but I'm also an empowerment speaker for large gatherings. Sometimes my classes are 15 students small and sometimes the group is over 1,500 people large. The bigger the better!

Another fear I was bound to tackle was the fear of flying. Yep, even though I came from Europe to the United States by plane, once my daughter was born I had a terrifying fear of flying. So much so that I refused to go visit my own family in Europe. Every time a plane flew over our house I would be certain it would come crashing down on top of my house. I was convinced that I was doomed to die by means of a plane. It was pretty bad. The fighter in me refused to be captive to a fear that I created entirely in my head. I decided at the beginning of 2003 that I would go on at least 5 trips within the United States. I actually got so bold that by the end of the year I had booked 8 plane tickets and for the first time in 14 years I had visited places outside of California. I was very proud of myself.

Overcoming Fear

I have overcome one fear after another by simply using this strategy. It's not easy work, but it's work well worth doing. Look at it like an onion. Onions are not eaten raw, but they truly flavor our nourishments. Onions have layers. Just when you peel one layer off, there is another one! Eventually you will get to the pearl inside, which by the way, is the sweet part of the onion.

Our fears can act the same way. In healthy portions they might spur us on to overcome and thus get empowered. Yet once you thought you had overcome one aspect - oops - there is another layer of fear to be peeled away.

I promised myself that I would overcome my fears and become a different person. I remember procrastinating and postponing events because I was scared of the woman that I might become. I had started and failed at a business endeavor at the age of 27 because it required me to speak in front of people. After my failure something interesting and yet devastating happened to me. My confidence took a huge hit, not just in business, but as a human being, as a woman. I hated the feeling of disempowerment and I understood that if living by fear would rob me of confidence, that overcoming my fears would give me confidence that would empower me to do immeasurable things. I was right!

I knew the woman that I had known for over 30 years, but I didn't know about the woman that I would become if I tackled my fears, and that was very scary! Nonetheless, I decided to tackle the fears one by one.

Summary

If you identify, analyze and conquer your fears by admitting that you have them and then approaching them head on, you will open up gateways to your personality that you didn't know you had! The newly found you will be so empowering to you that you want more and more. You conquer one fear successfully, you will want to conquer them all. The promise "seek and you shall find" is truly applicable in this arena and if you want to find your fears, they'll be made seen plainly by you. And if you want to overcome them, you will master them one by one.

I am excited about the person I have become so far and I have to admit, no pun intended, that I have turned out a lot stronger than I ever thought possible. And I wish you the same success!

Your feedback about this article is greatly appreciated.

Françoise Merlo was born and raised in Switzerland. She dropped out of high school at the age of 15 to work with horses. She came to the United States at 23 years old with only a suitcase while earning $400 a month as a nanny and within five years of being in the US she purchased her first property. Today Françoise has a bachelor degree in business management. After a 15-year career as a human resources executive she made another career change into real estate and public speaking. Today she controls millions of dollars in real estate across the US and Switzerland. Françoise is a public speaker, consultant, and trainer.

To book her as a public speaker you may reach her at mailto:info@dynamicinvestmentsolutions.com

To participate in one of our tele-seminars you may visit http://www.teleclass.com and perform a search by author, or you may send us an e-mail at: mailto:info@dynamicinvestmentsolutions.com

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