How to Stop Feeling Self-Conscious FAST!
by Marta Kagan
President, Lifeline Coaching
We've all experienced it that horrifying moment when all eyes turn
to you
and you freeze! Whether it happened to you at a cocktail
party, a job interview, or a crucial client meeting, you know how
devastating it feels to miss an opportunity to be your best self.
The question is, what can you do about it?
Here are a few fast tips to help you make your next turn in the
spotlight sensational.
Tip 1: Become "Other-Conscious".
When you're feeling self-conscious, you're focusing all your
attention on yourself "I wonder if they think I'm stupid; Is my
hair okay? Why did I say that?" The emphasis is completely on YOU.
Make the shift from being self-conscious to being other-conscious.
Observe the people and things around you. Notice your environment;
identify what's interesting thing about it. Notice the other people
in the room; identify what's interesting about them. Become
fascinated with what others say and how they say it. Not only will
your anxiety diminish, but people will love talking to you, because
you are giving them all of your attention (how refreshing!).
Tip 2: Don't just listen to what people say; notice how they say it.
Pay attention to speech patterns, changes in tempo, volume and tone.
Observe body language, posture; even the way that people breathe!
Being observant pays off. You can use your observations as
conversation starters ("Wow, you seem really excited about that.
Tell me what got you interested in the first place." or "Do you feel
as uncomfortable as I do at these parties?"). Plus there's the added
benefit of once again being other-conscious.
Tip 3: Be honest and be yourself.
When someone tells you that they're anxious, sad or nervous, you
probably feel some compassion and make some sort of effort to put
them at ease. Why is it then that when YOU feel nervous, you insist
on covering it up and pretending that you're completely relaxed?
Don't!
Be honest! BE YOURSELF! If you're feeling uncomfortable or at a loss
for something clever to say say THAT! You'd be amazed how
disarming your honesty can be. People love to know they're not alone
in their feelings, and chances are, there's at least one other
person in the room who feels as uncomfortable as you do. It's
perfectly human to be nervous and it's perfectly acceptable to be
truthful about it.
Tip 4: Come prepared.
Would it surprise you to learn that many of the most charming and
gifted "networkers" on the planet prepare for every social event
they attend by rehearsing a few interesting anecdotes? In fact, many
of our former Presidents and public figures have their speech
writers prepare "off the cuff" remarks which are meant to appear
spontaneous but actually are well rehearsed.
Try this strategy yourself! Prepare for your next networking event
or social gathering by doing a little `homework'. Read today's
headlines or browse your industry's trade publication. Practice
telling your best joke or a funny story about yourself. Find out
what's going on in the world and prepare a few thought-provoking
questions or opinions you could share. Then try your `material' out
on friends or family members. The ones that inspire laughter or
great conversation are keepers.
Tip 5: Bring a parachute.
Ok, not literally. Your `parachute' can be any thought that
instantly makes you feel happy, relaxed, or lighthearted. Imagine
everyone in the room in their underwear, for instance; or recall
that hilarious joke your brother told you last night.
At a recent networking event, I was feeling particularly
uncomfortable, especially because I'd had a rather challenging day,
including an embarrassing tumble on the subway stairs. I used that
memory of my stumble as my parachute every time I replayed the
image of myself tripping up the steps, I started to giggle (- call
me cruel, but it cracks me up to see people tripping. I just love
slapstick humor, what can I say?). Throughout the night, whenever I
became nervous or self-conscious, I opened that parachute and I
couldn't help smiling! And let me tell you, smiling at people really
does disarm them.
Which brings me to tip #6
Tip 6: SMILE!
This one is almost too simple. Next time you're nervous, take a big,
slow, deep breath
and smile! It's amazing what an impact an
unexpected smile from a stranger can have. There you are thinking
about how stupid you look when unexpectedly someone smiles at you
and you just feel better.
I guarantee that if you start smiling more today, you will instantly
become at least 50% more attractive. Try it as an experiment; next
time someone looks at you sideways, smile at them. See if they don't
warm up to you and smile back!
© 2004 Marta Z. Kagan
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
As New York City's most sought-after personal coach, Marta Kagan has
helped thousands of professionals and entrepreneurs achieve more
success, freedom, and fulfillment in their lives. To register for
one of the limited FREE coaching sessions Marta offers each month
or to find out more about her innovative self-improvement products
and services go to http://www.lifelinecoaching.com
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