How to Have a Conversation with Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime.
by Marta Kagan
Business Coach, Life Coach & Motivational Speaker
Tired of getting stuck in one of those awkward moments of silence?
Try these fool-proof ways of starting – and maintaining – a
conversation with confidence and ease.
1. Pay attention – to others, that is!
I was recently at a networking event in a historical building that
had unbelievable works of art on the walls – Renoirs, Matisses, Van
Goghs – and yet of the dozens of people I spoke to, only one other
even noticed!
The fact is, people are so busy worrying about what others think of
them, stressing about what they should (or shouldn't) be doing, or
trying to come up with a witty conversation-starter, that they
hardly even notice opportunities to truly connect with someone with
whom they have shared interests.
Next time you're in a situation where you need to "make
conversation" turn your attention away from your burgeoning anxiety
and focus instead on observing the people and things around you.
Practice the fine art of observing. Notice your environment;
identify the most interesting thing about it. Notice the other
people in the room; identify the most interesting character among
you. Notice your host or hostess; identify what you most appreciate
about the event they've invited you to.
You can use these observations to start conversations with others
when the opportunity presents itself. And don't worry – it will!
When you're not preoccupied with that feeling of self-consciousness,
you become infinitely more attractive. So don't be surprised when
people start gravitating toward you naturally.
2. Come `prepared'.
Would it surprise you to learn that many of the most charming and
gifted "networkers" on the planet prepare for every social event
they attend by building a small arsenal of interesting stories to
talk about? In fact, many of our former Presidents and public
figures have their speech writers prepare "off the cuff" remarks
which are meant to appear spontaneous – but actually are well
rehearsed.
Prepare for your next networking event or social gathering by doing
a little research. Read today's headlines or browse your industry's
trade publication. Find out what's going on in your business or in
the world and spend a few minutes defining a question or opinion
you'd like to share with someone. If there's someone in particular
you'd like to speak to at the event, find out what their hobbies or
passions are and prepare a thoughtful question or two to ask them
when you're introduced.
Quotes, jokes, and stories make great conversation-starters, too.
Try them out on your friends first. The ones that inspire laughter
or great conversation are keepers.
Finally, back to tip number 1 – don't put pressure on yourself to
produce a constant stream of witty remarks and brilliant questions.
The point is simply to have a range of topics to draw upon so that
you can get past the awkward – and very uninteresting – "So what do
you do?" phase.
3. Decide that conversation is a two-way street.
A good conversation requires input from at least two people. That
means it's not up to you alone to start or maintain a lively
conversation.
What you focus on increases. So focus less on what you'll say next
and more on what the other person is saying to you. Be attentive and
demonstrate interest by asking open-ended questions and using
receptive body language (face them, make eye contact, mirror their
position, etc.).
And don't let silence send you into a panic! It's perfectly natural
for any conversation to hit a pause or two. In most cases, the other
person will either pick up the conversation after a few moments of
silence or use the opportunity to bring things to a natural close.
In either case, don't feel pressured to fill the space just for the
sake of filling it.
When you get into the habit of applying these three simple tips,
you'll feel more confident in any social situation, because the fear
of standing there with nothing to say just won't bother you so much!
© 2004 Marta Z. Kagan
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Business coach, life coach, and motivational speaker Marta Kagan has
helped countless professionals achieve more success, freedom, and
balance in their work lives. To find out more about Marta's
innovative life coaching services and sign up for FREE confidence-
building tips like these, visit her website at
http://www.lifelinecoaching.com.
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