Improve Your Listening Immediately!
by Stephen D. Boyd, Ph.D., CSP
We are good at talking, but we have trouble listening. One
sage said, "The only reason we listen is because we know we
get to talk next." Here are some tips that can change your
listening behavior now.
Names! First, repeat a person's name when you first meet
him or her. This will make you listen first and talk
second. You want to have a mental set to become a better
listener, and repeating a person's name will help you do
that. Don't hesitate to ask a person to repeat the name the
second time, especially if the name is unusual. You are
showing concern for the other person, which is an important
aspect of listening. Use the person's name in your
response. "Is this your first time here, Suzanne?"
Ask a question! Second, when you are anticipating making a
comment on what a person has said, ask a question instead.
This will keep you listening longer, and often the added
information will help you make a higher quality contribution
to the conversation. Get information before you give
information.
Pause! Third, don't rush to answer the phone when it rings.
Pause a moment so that you can be mentally ready to listen
to the person calling you rather than thinking about what
you were doing when the phone rang. Taking these few extra
seconds to think will make you a better listener from the
beginning of the phone conversation. In addition, listen as
though you are going to report the message to someone else.
This keeps you focused on the main reason or idea of the
call.
Streamline! Fourth, eliminate clutter around the phone and
your desk so you won't easily be distracted when you are
talking by phone or have a person talking to you in your
office. Notes, pens, folders, clocks, and knickknacks can
distract you, and you may not even be aware of the
distraction until you realize you have no idea what the
person just said.
Choose your time! Fifth, when possible choose your
listening time during the part of the day when you are
mentally alert. If you are a morning person make your most
important appointments, interviews, or phone calls during
that time. If mornings are difficult for you, make
afternoon calls. You lose listening acumen when you are
tired physically or mentally.
Admit! Finally, don't be afraid to admit that you're having
a hard time listening and make necessary adjustments. You
might say, "I'm sorry I missed that last point. Please
repeat that for me." Or "I'm having a hard time
concentrating; let me move to another chair." Or "Could we
pick up the conversation at a later time this afternoon? I
need a break and some lunch." Any of these responses will
tell people that you want to listen to their messages, and
that what they have to say is important to you.
Some listening skills, such as suspending judgment, dealing
with biases, and avoiding daydreaming, take time to develop
because of the mental self-discipline they require.
Following these tips, however, will improve your listening
immediately.
Stephen D. Boyd, Ph.D., CSP, is a professor of speech
communication at Northern Kentucky University in Highland
Heights, Kentucky. He is also a trainer in communication
who presents more than 60 seminars and workshops a year to
corporations and associations. See additional articles and
resources at http://www.sboyd.com. He can be reached at
800-727-6520
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