PRACTICAL STEPS TO ENCHANTMENT:
Improving Your Self Esteem
By Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein
Often in our society, we are bombarded with the lives of
celebrities. We can end up feeling that if we are not part
of the rich and famous, our lives are insignificant. Our
society also sends a message of competition and achievement.
We watch sports, we always hear about profit and the bottom
line being the dollar, we see large companies competing and
constantly buying each other out.
The result often is that we are taught to see how well we
are doing, in terms of how pretty we are, how bright we are,
what kind of house we have, how well we do in sports, what
rewards we receive. However, in reality, these are external
measures. Each of us needs to develop a sense of self-worth,
a capacity for positive self-regard that comes from within.
Here is an example: Sara was divorced and felt in many ways
that she had shortchanged her two daughters, in the sense
that they lived on very little money. She could shower few
luxuries on them. At times, in her therapy, she talked to me
about feeling that she was not much good at anything. Her
husband had been abusive both physically and mentally, and
had put her down almost constantly. Although she no longer
lived with him, inside of herself she still carried feelings
of worthlessness.
One day I asked her to review some of the best moments in
her childhood. She said, "I always loved when Uncle Sam used
to come over, and we all sang songs." I asked her if she did
anything like that now, with her girls. She said that they
often sang together in the car. In fact, she had taught them
many of the songs that Uncle Sam had taught her. I asked her
if she realized that she was offering her girls some of the
wonderful family memories that were unique to her as a
child. She said she hadn't thought about it, but it was
certainly true. During months of therapy, we worked again
and again in recognizing many valuable aspects of herself.
Needless to say, her self-esteem began to improve. Sara is
an example for all of us, in the sense that each person has
to document his or her own positive talents and strengths.
We have to learn to pat ourselves on the back. To help you,
I suggest a self-pride list. During the coming week, write
down at least one item a day that you can take pride in
having handled well. For example, I was polite and kind to
several people in the supermarket checkout line, even though
I was tired. Or, I used my head, rather than my fist, and
really shared with my son my concerns over his getting
another traffic ticket.
At the end of the week, read over your self-pride list,
giving yourself a mental hug, or the high five sign. This is
the beginning of giving yourself more recognition, which
will in time lead to an improved sense of self worth. It is
only with this improved sense of self-esteem that you can
have the confidence to make sure that your life is filled
with enchantment.
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED
SELF®, a method of bringing delight and meaning into
everyday living, invites you to view her new line of
ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free
gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com
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