SELF-HELP
SELF-HELP |
|
COMMUNICATION SKILLS
How to Have a Conversation with Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime. Tired of getting stuck in one of those awkward moments of silence? Try these fool-proof ways of starting – and maintaining – a conversation with confidence and ease. 1. Pay attention – to others, that is! I was recently at a networking event in a historical building that had unbelievable works of art on the walls – Renoirs, Matisses, Van Goghs – and yet of the dozens of people I spoke to, only one other even noticed! The fact is, people are so busy worrying about what others think of them, stressing about what they should (or shouldn't) be doing, or trying to come up with a witty conversation-starter, that they hardly even notice opportunities to truly connect with someone with whom they have shared interests. Next time you're in a situation where you need to "make conversation" turn your attention away from your burgeoning anxiety and focus instead on observing the people and things around you. Practice the fine art of observing. Notice your environment; identify the most interesting thing about it. Notice the other people in the room; identify the most interesting character among you. Notice your host or hostess; identify what you most appreciate about the event they've invited you to. You can use these observations to start conversations with others when the opportunity presents itself. And don't worry – it will! When you're not preoccupied with that feeling of self-consciousness, you become infinitely more attractive. So don't be surprised when people start gravitating toward you naturally. 2. Come `prepared'. Would it surprise you to learn that many of the most charming and gifted "networkers" on the planet prepare for every social event they attend by building a small arsenal of interesting stories to talk about? In fact, many of our former Presidents and public figures have their speech writers prepare "off the cuff" remarks which are meant to appear spontaneous – but actually are well rehearsed. Prepare for your next networking event or social gathering by doing a little research. Read today's headlines or browse your industry's trade publication. Find out what's going on in your business or in the world and spend a few minutes defining a question or opinion you'd like to share with someone. If there's someone in particular you'd like to speak to at the event, find out what their hobbies or passions are and prepare a thoughtful question or two to ask them when you're introduced. Quotes, jokes, and stories make great conversation-starters, too. Try them out on your friends first. The ones that inspire laughter or great conversation are keepers. Finally, back to tip number 1 – don't put pressure on yourself to produce a constant stream of witty remarks and brilliant questions. The point is simply to have a range of topics to draw upon so that you can get past the awkward – and very uninteresting – "So what do you do?" phase. 3. Decide that conversation is a two-way street. A good conversation requires input from at least two people. That means it's not up to you alone to start or maintain a lively conversation. What you focus on increases. So focus less on what you'll say next and more on what the other person is saying to you. Be attentive and demonstrate interest by asking open-ended questions and using receptive body language (face them, make eye contact, mirror their position, etc.). And don't let silence send you into a panic! It's perfectly natural for any conversation to hit a pause or two. In most cases, the other person will either pick up the conversation after a few moments of silence or use the opportunity to bring things to a natural close. In either case, don't feel pressured to fill the space just for the sake of filling it. When you get into the habit of applying these three simple tips, you'll feel more confident in any social situation, because the fear of standing there with nothing to say just won't bother you so much! © 2004 Marta Z. Kagan
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
|